This post is partly a confession. It is also partly a statement on what I believe to be a valuable art form.
Eight years ago, I never thought I would get into writing fanfiction as a hobby. I wanted to be a “real” writer when I grew up–clearly I didn’t have time to spend in someone else’s universe.
But a lot of things happened to change that.
For the record I don’t read a lot of other people’s fanfiction. I am trying to put my efforts into my own.
I started writing fanfiction because I felt that if I had a good enough idea, then I should write it down. I started with some notes about my Jedi persona. I didn’t start to fully write out my fanfiction stories until after I had graduated from college, because I knew I was going to really get into it.
When I set out, I wanted to flesh out these story ideas as much as possible and share them with other fans. Most of the fanfiction I have written and published on Archive of Our Own is loosely-connected stories about the Avengers. Bucky Barnes, of course, is a central character. When you’re obsessed with something, you get a lot of ideas about it.
In addition to my AO3 stash, I also have lots of loose documents floating around in my Google Drive with unfinished segments and bare outlines. I also have some flash fics and excerpts posted on my Tumblr account. And lots of notebooks with pages of little ideas, headcanons, and written-out scenes.
Once at FanX, I went to a panel with author Claudia Gray and U of U professor Anne Jamison where they discussed how different fans are using fanfiction as a form of expression, and even how it’s perceived in the professional writing community. And it’s actually not seen as wrong or harmful to write fanfic. Some people write great fanfiction but have no desire to be professional writers. They just do it for the joy of it.
So having spent a lot of time writing fanfiction, I want to share with you some of my perceptions on the craft.
It Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect
I do acknowledge that people want to read published stories that are complete, and people tend to enjoy things that are well-written and well-thought out. Yes, make it a point to publish your best work, if you do want to post publicly.
My problem was that I came up with a massive story arc for my Jedi character and then for Bucky that I wanted every single segment to tie back into. At one point I thought that every effort I had to make in writing fanfic had to go back to the great story arc. And I had to force myself to write it in order.
But my mind is always going and getting good ideas. I think faster than I write. And when you are trying to balance adult responsibilities, that lag between thinking and writing gets frustratingly bigger. I didn’t always have the energy or the interest to be working on the Number One Project. So I let myself take breaks to work on different pieces like a fairytale AU for the Avengers, or an adventure involving Doctor Strange and Newt Scamander. Most of the time, I don’t have access to my laptop and my google drive to work on the writing projects I want to work on the most. All I have is just a pen and a notebook and some headcanons and loose outlines to jot down before I forget them completely.
AND THAT IS OKAY.
Looking back, some of the fanfiction I have written isn’t exactly my greatest writing. I wish I had all the time in the world so I could go back and rewrite some of what I’d already done, replace it with something of better quality. And it’s a sign that I am invested in my work, if after a few months or years I want to go back and improve something I’ve already done. But I don’t have the ability to do everything.
My fanfiction is not perfect. AND THAT IS OKAY.
Writing fanfiction is about self-acceptance. Sometimes you just have to let go of having more. It is what it is.
It is a Great Way to Practice the Writing Process
The fun thing about writing anything, for me, is building your piece. With fanfiction, you start with a character and a few ideas about a funny or interesting situation. Then you add the setting and the world around it, tie it together with dialogue and exposition. You have a whole scene fleshed out in your head, and you recreate it with words, one line at a time.
I think that was what appealed to me so much about fanfiction, it was having a way to make all of these daydreams into something real.
If you, like me, have aspirations to write and publish original stories, but you’re not in a place to get published, then fanfiction is a way to sharpen the saw, or to take a break when you want to write something different. It is something you can work on a little bit at a time to make sure your world-building and writing muscles stay in shape.
Writing fanfiction is like playing in a sandbox. Original writing is building with hard materials like wood and stone.
It is a Safe Place to Go in Your Mind
The most important thing about, and the purpose of, fanfiction is to serve as a portal between the fan and what they love most about their favorite stories. You can re-enter the worlds you love as they are, or you can change the setting and keep the characters. There is no limit to the things you can create and change. You can explore relationships between your heroes. You can introduce people who don’t get to met in canon. You can delve deeper into your favorite worlds, or you can generate new ones for your heroes to be lost in.
One of the things I did in my fanfiction was give Bucky Barnes a foster family—a nice Mormon family. In Arizona. They say to write what you know.
When Captain America: Civil War came out, I was terribly disappointed with how Bucky’s character arc ended. But I decided that the thing to do (partly for my own sanity) was keep writing fanfiction about him anyway, and give him the life that I wanted him to have. I did have to call on the Doctor from Doctor Who to create a time loop, but I sent Bucky, Steve, Wanda, Natasha, and Sam down to Arizona, not just to reconnect Bucky with his foster family but also to give him and his fellow Avengers a place where they could have some adventures and build relationships with each other.
Side note: I haven’t actually seen a lot of Doctor Who, but I have enough Facebook friends that I know quite a lot about the Doctor, and I’m comfortable including him in my fanfic.
About the time Captain America: Civil War came out, I started working, and my job took up a lot of the time I would have otherwise spent writing. As far as what I have actually published on AO3 about the Avengers in Arizona, I only have written up to the point where they arrive after Civil War. The rest is, like I said, in bits and pieces on my google drive, in my notebooks, and on short vignettes on my tumblr. But I told myself, at least get Bucky back to his family, and don’t worry about the rest. I can always go back and work on those stories whenever I want to. There is a safe place that I can go to in my mind where I will always have this experience.
And now, after the release of Avengers: Infinity War and the downer ending that came with it, there is much to be said for needing a safer and happier place for these characters to interact.
Beyond the Narrative
So what if your dream couple doesn’t get together in canon? Why be blue because your happy ending didn’t play out? If you have the perfect idea for how two strangers could meet, write it down. If you want to explore the mind and heart of your favorite character, do it. If you want to see how that favorite scene would play out in an alternate universe, do more than just dream about it. You might not only see your wishes fulfilled, but you could also learn more about your favorite stories and yourself in the process. You have within you the power to unlock endless worlds with your imagination. To borrow a phrase from The Greatest Showman, you can literally ‘Rewrite the Stars.’
If anyone had told me that I would be writing fanfiction after college, I don’t think I would have welcomed the news. But if anyone had told me that writing fanfiction would enable me to explore worlds and spend time with characters that I loved, and go on adventures I would never forget, then I would have said you were crazy. But I have. And I hope I still will.
For Your Perusal, Some of my Best Fanfiction
From Archive Of Our Own:
Padawan Yzil The definitive origin story of my Jedi character/persona, Ereh Saw Yzil. Also a short adventure with Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi
If Only In My Dreams Bucky’s first Christmas after leaving Hydra with the foster family I mentioned
Miss Maximoff One of my first pieces published on AO3, this is the story of how Wanda Maximoff officially joined the Avengers–basically everything leading up to the Epilogue in Age of Ultron.
I Didn’t Say it Was the End The Twelfth Doctor discovers a crack in space and time and an empty birdcage, and he calls on the Avengers to help rescue
Detour to Destiny: MY Alternate Ending to Captain America: Civil War that I mentioned earlier. The Doctor is in this one, too.
Mitch and the Spider Sort of a tie-in to Spider-man: Homecoming. An Original Character crosses paths with the friendly neighborhood Spider-man of Queens. For the record, if anyone had said I would ever write fanfiction about Spider-man I would have definitely said you were crazy.
Flash Fic from my Tumblr
Niffler Attack Inspired, of course, by Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
A Feline Funk Bucky rescues an unwilling cat
Kitten Therapy I wrote this before Black Panther or Infinity War came out so a few of the details are different from those films. It was commissioned by someone who liked my idea of Bucky doing kitten therapy
The Apprentice Chronicles 
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